Your love has filled me. It brings me to tears. You are consistent. Patient. Long-suffering. Even when we rejected you in our hearts and with our actions, you still pursued us. You were persistent. Even when you tugged on our heart strings, we ignored you. We continued to sin, wanting it to end, yet perpetuating the cycle. Your mercy met us where we were and continues to meet us new every morning. We have a revelation of who you are, how magnificent you are, how this Earth is strategically made, how the sun rises and sets, the moon and stars that you have established, and the invisible attributes that express how divine you are.

I will not let the rocks cry out. I can vividly remember my pastor having an altar call that I did not answer. He specifically said “If you didn’t answer the altar call, but you should have, God is saying come now.” Pride sat on the throne of my heart & did not allow me to walk down that aisle. My feet were stubbornly planted. My spirit cried out, but I never moved. I chose sin repeatedly and couldn’t fathom how a God that had the potential to destroy me with his wrath in an instant…chose not to. He was patient and long-suffering. My pastor went on to say “God is saying Satan desires to sift you as wheat…yet he has been holding the devour back for your sake. If you feel like this is you, come. God is waiting on you. He loves you.” I knew he was speaking to me. I knew I should’ve been at the altar, but I never moved.

A few weeks later, while riding in the passenger seat of my own vehicle I was asleep. I woke up in what felt like a whirlwind. My car was hydroplaning in the rain and we had lost all control. After waking up from what felt like a bad dream, I realized it was indeed real. We’d hit a ditch. My car was destroyed. My belongings, scattered across the highway, resembled what my life looked like spiritually and what I felt physically. I looked at my car and burst into tears. Like a highlight reel, those words from altar call replayed in my head over and over. This is what it is like for those who lose their lives in sin. They are tormented with all of the opportunities that God gave them to lay their lives down and follow Him. All of the times He spoke to them through people, all of the chances He gave them, all of the warnings to turn from sin, all of the times they rejected Him..is replayed for eternity.

In my disobedience, God’s grace was lifted. This was an attempt on my life. The instance I described above could’ve been me. Satan should have had his way, but God’s grace and mercy kept me.

As I reflected on that moment & how it should’ve been a wake up call…to me…it was only a pat on the back. It altered my habits for a few weeks at most, yet not enough to warrant true repentance. God saved me miraculously and I continued to turn my back on Him counting all that I would lose or how people would receive me if I took up my cross again..the same cross that I’d put down for the world before. How foolish was I.

I wept uncontrollably when recalling this moment.

God loves you. He knows His way leads to life & life more abundantly. Our way leads to death; whether it’s spiritual or physical…maybe even mental/financial/etc. Anywhere in your life where things are alive, sin has the ability to bring death. Death doesn’t always look like we expect it to. It may bear fruit; fruit that may look pleasant to our eyes and whisper promises to make us wise…but if we eat the fruit thereof, surely we shall die. He only wants the best for us. The best comes at a cost…but so does disobedience. When we do not choose our Father who always chooses us, we grieve Him.

This feeling that I have being in communion with God I wouldn’t trade. I can feel the fullness of God’s love. I wept because of all the times I felt God tug and I shoved Him away, rejecting his commandments and precepts. Pride was now accompanied by shame. I pulled back like Eve in the garden after the fall, as if He didn’t already see me or know where I was; when he is omniscient and omnipresent. Now that we are in communion, I feel the burden that He has to save his children. His attempt to save us was sending His only son. The rest is up to us. We MUST choose Him.

He created us to worship Him. Life is meaningless if we do not worship Him.

Let his spirit rest on you.

Pray this prayer aloud.

Father God…Abba.. We thank you for who you are to us. You are faithful, kind, loving, compassionate, just..You remain the same. Even when we changed, you stayed the same. We thank you for continuing your faithfulness from generation to generation. We thank you for establishing the Earth. We thank you for giving us dominion in this Earth. Everything/all parts of the universe are your servants. Thank you God for keeping me & allowing me to delight in your Word. Thank you for not allowing me to perish in a time of trouble. Thank you for reviving me and giving me life. I am yours. Thank you for finding us when we seek you diligently. Your testimonies and your ways are my greatest need. Thank you for not allowing the wicked to destroy me. Human perfection has its limits, your commandment is broad and extends without limits. You are a limitless God. The Alpha & Omega. The ONLY one. No one can stand against you God. Thank you for helping us desire you. Thank you for the gift of The Holy Spirit – who brings things back to our remembrance, shows us all things to come, leads and guides us into all truth. Lord you deserve more than what we give you. Thank you for increasing our capacity so that we may offer it back to you. Continue to prune us. It doesn’t feel good all the time & it hurts to let things and people go, but if it’s for you it will always be worth it. We are are your servants God. No longer are our hands stretched out only to receive. We stretch them out, rendering our will & praising you. It is due. We owe you our lives. We love you & we will continue to serve you with everything in us, in spirit & in truth. In Jesus name, amen.